


Alec's survival guide to himself

by fallingUp2000



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Binge Drinking, Closeted Alec Lightwood, Drama, F/M, Gay Raphael Santiago, Gay Simon Lewis, M/M, Strict Parents, fraternities
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-09-21 05:53:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9534632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallingUp2000/pseuds/fallingUp2000
Summary: Alec Lightwood is the kind of guy who would rather practise archery on a Friday night instead of partying. A guy who doesn't complain much, never puts himself in first place and avoids social interactions. But when he mets Magnus Bane, Alec's life takes another direction: he's going to start stepping out of his path, finding himself in new situations, and finding himself.





	1. That party

**Friday night 1:30 am**

As soon as he stepped into the house, Alec knew he wanted to leave. He was completely out of his element. Actually, he usually felt like he didn't belong anywhere. He just didn't fit. Unlike his best friend since childhood, Jace Wayland, or her sister, Isabelle, he didn't radiate self-confidence. They made it look like it was easy, walking like they owned the place. 

Free endless drinks everywhere. Mostly everyone was drunk, with a few people sitting outside, making out or talking near the pool. The music was so loud, Alec couldn't even listen to his own thoughts. He didn't understand why the police wasn't there yet.

Alec made his way to the porch, pushing tipsy frat boys in the crowd. After getting away from the hot and sticky room, Alec focused on his next mission: searching for her sister or Jace. 

Before he starting his search, a familiar voice screamed his name. Alec turned around, and found Jace walking towards him. 

"Alec!" he said again. "Hey!" the boy greated him with a handshake. "I can't believe you came." laughed Jace. 

"Izzy forced me to." Alec shrugged.

"I was expecting that. Do you want something to drink- wait here one second, Clary is here." Jace left Alec before he could react. 

 _Clary_. Jace's crush. A red haired girl. Jace fell in love with her a few weeks ago, and he couldn't stop talking about her. Alec tried his best to act neutral even if he was dying inside. That's what he usually did, he never put his feelings in first place. He never told anyone about his crush. Not even Isabelle. Alec supposed she kinda knew. His crush started a few years ago. When Alec realised he was gay, his first thought was "how am I going to keep this secret from my parents?". Because, how would they react? They were very strict and not very open minded. They had important jobs at the university, and they couldn't have a gay son. They would stop talking to him. 

"Big brother" Isabelle hughed him from behind.

"Izzy. Can I leave know? I already made my "appearance"."

"You must be kidding me" said Isabelle in a serious tone. "You just arrived here, you can't leave just yet." She pushed him a little in the shoulder. "Come on, you need to have fun! You're so stressed about college that you forget that you are supposed to have fun!".

Alec rolled his eyes. He would rather practise archery, read a book or hang himself rather than staying at this party.

"Plus, you need to find a date. Or at least hook up with a hot freshman"

"Izzy!" Alec tried to create an excuse. "I'm seeing someone." he lied. By seeing someone, he meant going on a study date with a girl from his history class.

"Really? Who?" asked Isabelle. Alec couldn't decide if she was excited or if she didn't believed a word about what he was saying.

"Look, it's not serious yet. And I have to go get a drink" Alec said as he disappeared into the kichen. There was no way he was going to be able to get through the party sober. Luckily he was not going to remember a thing.

A guy was standing on the kitchen, preparing drinks. By the way he moved, he was obviously drunk. Suddenly he put a beer in front of Alec's face.

"Drink it, you need it more than anyone here" he said. He walked away, tripping several times and crashing against a wall. 

Alec was left alone with his beer. He decided to stay there, where he could avoid everyone and everything.

After almost finishing his beer, a guy showed up in the kitcen. Alec frooze for a second. He couldn't help but staring at him. He was so attractive. Like, really attractive. Probably the most good looking guy in this party. Damm, in the whole school. Dark hair, brown eyes, camel skin. His clothes were tight and Alec was imagining what was behind them. He had good fashion taste, and looked put together, so probably he wasn't a freshman. 

"Am I interrumping something here?" the guy jocked, as Alec was obviously alone. His laugh made Alec smile.

"Actually I was confessing my undying love for the alcohol." 

"Oh, I hoped you were single.". What? Alec blinked twice. Was the hot guy in front of him actually hitting on him? 

"Do you want something to drink?" Alec asked.

"Just water. My friend is going to collapse at any moment. He drank way to much."

Alec searched for a bottle of water. "You are a good friend."

"No particulary." The guy shrugged. "Anyway, anyone would help him. He's hot.".

They both laughed.

"So girls are fighting over him, eh?"

"No. I mean yes, but he's gay, so..."

"Ah" Was the guy gay? Bisexual? Did he like his friend? Did he like him? Why would he hit on him? He wasn't attractive. Probably he was just messing with him. Alec handed him a bottle of water.

"Thanks" The guy seemed to hesitate. "Do you live here?"

"Hell no. My sister forced me to come." God. Did he just confessed that he hated parties to a guy he just met? Even if he just met him, he felt like he could tell him anything. And now the guy knew how uncool he was.

"Don't you like parties?" the guy asked. He seemed intrigued.

"No. I mean yes. No I mean I-"

A girl ran to the guy and screamed at him. "It's Raphael. He just passed out! He's so wasted.".

Alec saw the alarmed expression in the guy's face. The guy was worrying a lot. "Don't worry. I'm going in a minute."

Magnus looked at Alec and said sorry with his eyes. "I get it" Alec said.

The guy ran away, and just when Alec was about to leave, the guy came back. "Sorry, I forgot your name."

"I never told you."

"I'm Magnus by the way."

_Magnus. Magnus. Magnus._

"Alec." Magnus stayed still, like he was waiting for more. "Alexander Lightwood."

"I hope to see you soon Alexander"

 

* * *

 

 

**3:29 am**

Alec searched for Jace for a few minutes. He found him near the pool. With Clary. Kissing Clary.

Alec felt like someone just took his heart out of his chest and broke it in a million pieces. He knew Jace had girlfriends, but he never saw him kissing them. 

He run back inside. He was searching for air, he couldn't breathe. He reached the front door, and got out of the house. He texted Jace and Izzy, using a well-known excuse. He didn't felt like inventing a new one.

Alec really wanted to go home. But there was a problem: Jace was his ride home. 

"Alec? Are you ok?" Lydia asked. 

Lydia. The girl he went on a "date" with. A study date.

"I don't know" Alec confessed.

"Let me give you a ride" she said with a smile.

"Okey."

 


	2. Freak

**Saturday 5:35 pm**

Alec's mouth was dry. And he had a hungover. He opened his eyes, and woke up. He left his bed without knowing what time it was. He searched for his phone, which was in his jacket from last night. Alec checked his phone; there were a few texts from Jace and Izzy, asking if he was okay, and one from Lydia.

Alec tried to remember what happened last night. He remembered speaking to an attractive guy and then leaving when he saw Jace and Clary kissing. His stomach hurt. Then Lydia took him home.

He told himself to answer Lydia later, and then he left his room. He needed water.

Alec was not very surprised when he found Jace and Izzy sitting down next to his door. They immediately stood up. Alec's instinct told him to just turn around and go into his room to avoid the confrontation, but his brain told him that eventually it was going to happen, sooner or later.

"Alec are you alright?" Izzy asked him. She didn't look like she was tired. Neither did Jace. Unlike them, Alec knew that if he didn't get enough sleep, he was going to have big bags under his eyes and that his skin was going to look terrible. Life was unfair.

"Yes, why do you ask?"

"Maybe because yesterday you left the party and some guys told us you left with a girl when you were supposed to leave with us". Jace didn't seemed mad, he just wanted to understand. He wanted to have everything under control. "I mean, if you want to hook up with someone it's okay, we are not going to judge you."

"Yes Alec, we are not going to judge" Izzy repeated. Alec noticed how she seemed to emphasize those words.

"I didn't hook up with anyone." Alec tried to look away. "She just took me home."

"So she came here?"

"NO!"

"Okay okay, I believe you" said Jace. "But if she did, we are completely cool with it and you can tell us. You don't need to be ashamed"

"I'm not. "he said. I just want food.

Alec rolled his eyes. He went to the kitchen and made pancakes. Jace and Izzy were talking about rumors about what happened at the party. "So Simon and I were drinking when a guy came in and started to speak to us. " Simon was Izzy's crush. "He was wasted and started to flirt with Simon." said Izzy. "It was very funny. He was about to pass out, but his friend came and took him away."

"So Simon is gay?" Jace laughed.

"Of course he is not!" Izzy pushed Jace in the arm.

Alec tried to stay focused on his pancake. Which was pretty deformed, and not at all round and perfect, like the ones from restaurants.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you guys. Clary is hosting a small reunion tomorrow. He wants me to meet her friends. Do you want to come? Simon is going to be there" teased Jace.

"Yes" Izzy nodded. "And you are coming too" she said looking at Alec.

"Me? Sorry, I have to finish stuff to do"

"Yes? Like what?"

"History paper-"

"You can finish it now". It was not a question.

"I guess I could "

"Cool, so you are both coming." Jace stood and went to his room.

When he was sure Jace couldn't listen, Alec gave Izzy a death look. "Why the hell would you do that?" he asked.

"This is important to Jace. And Clary probably has a cute friend."

"I don't want to go"

"I don't care" Izzy said. "You are going or I am going to kick your ass"

Alec went to his room to eat his ugly pancakes.

Saturday 8:45 pm

Alec took a nap for two hours. He then stayed in bed, and thought about Magnus. He searched for his computer and searched him online. He knew his last name, but what was his last name? He only knew he was friends with a guy named Raphael and that he was at that party.

He searched him on Facebook, there were more than a hundred Magnus. He was about to give up when he saw him: his Magnus who was friends with Clary. He clicked and saw his profile. He had a few photos, where he was at a party with a guy who was tagged as Raphael. Alec searched for updates of his profile, but the last one was almost a year ago. No one was really using Facebook, so that seemed reasonable. If Alec more social media, he would be able to stalk him; but he didn't many accounts. If he was brave enough he could ask Isabelle if he knew him, but she would start asking questions and make assumptions. Alec decided it was for the best to stop searching for him. He was probably not going to see him soon, since he was not going to go to another party anytime soon. And even if he saw him, Magnus would probably forget about him. What was the point?

 

* * *

 

 

**Sunday 3:12 pm**

The three of them were waiting for Clary to open the door of her apartment. Alec was wearing a shirt and jeans. Izzy had told him he had zero fashion taste and made him change clothes several times. After founding the winner outfit, they were able to leave the house.

Alec had already made a plan: he was going to stay half an hour, and then he was going to say that he had a headache and he needed to leave. He told them since yesterday that he wasn't not feeling great, leaving small clues that he was feeling bad since the beginning and not just before leaving the house.

Clary opened the door. "Hey guys. Come in!". She looked at Jace. "Hey you." She kissed him briefly.

Alec jaw almost dropped. Magnus, the hot guy from the kitchen, was there. He was speaking with Simon and another Raphael. Alec couldn't thank Izzy enough for making him wear decent clothes.

Magnus was the first to react. He stood up and looking them. "So who is this pretty boy?"

Alec's body suddenly was filled with jealousy. The hot boy he couldn't stop thinking about just said that Jace was attractive. People always noticed Jace first, even his parents. Jace was always in the first place, and Alec in the second.

Jace stepped to shake Magnus's hand. "I'm Jace-"

"Nice to meet you Jace, but I was talking about him." interrupted Magnus, pointing Alec.

Alec couldn't hide his smile. Was he really talking  about him? Clary came in rescue, "They are Alec and his sister, Isabelle. They are Jace's best friends. And they are Magnus, Raphael and Simon."

Hi I'm Alec. I'm the guy you met at the party who is not cool and does not like parties. Oh, and by the way, I stalked you for hours on social media last night.

After a few handshakes, they sat down in the sofas. Alec sat down and Magnus was less than ten centimeters away. Alec could hear him breathe. And when Magnus occasionally looked at him, Alec's efforts to not blush failed.

Clary and Jace were looking at each other all the time, and Alec felt really uncomfortable. He couldn't even look at Jace. He really wanted to leave. But Magnus was there, and he couldn't afford to look like an asshole in front of him. "Act cool, act cool" Alec told himself. But when Magnus's hand slightly touched his, Alec felt something he had never felt before. It had clearly been an accident, but Alec couldn't stop himself from imagining Magnus's hands touching his face and neck. Alec had questioned this kind of thoughts before. The church, his parents, always told him that this kind of thoughts were wrong. That a relationship between a man and a man was a sin. Of course Alec didn't agree with that, but he was afraid to tell his parents and friends. He didn't care about the church, but he cared about his family and friends. He knew that if he told Izzy and Jace they would accept him, but he didn't think that his parents would receive the news with a smile.  They were probably going to freak out. But for the first time in a very long time, Alec seriously thought about telling everyone. He thought about him and Magnus dating, kissing. Was he asking for too much?

Alec wasn't the only one having boy problems. Izzy was flirting with Simon: she was touching his hands, and trying to talk to him. But Alec knew there was something odd about him, something didn't fit. He started to get suspicious when Raphael and Simon shared a few looks. He thought about making an excuse to talk to Isabelle and tell her in private, but Raphael told Clary she was going to the kitchen to get some snacks. Simon immediately went after him telling "he was going to help him". Isabelle also left, telling she was going to get more water. And Clary, Jace, Magnus and him were left alone in the living room.

Jace made his secret gesture to Alec, meaning him and Magnus to stay alone with Clary. Alec and Jace had secret ways of communicating with each other, Alec would touch his both eyes when he needed Jace's help to avoid someone, and Jace would touch his ear, and so on. Alec was trying to make an excuse to leave with Magnus, when Magnus told he needed some air and asked Alec to go with him. Alec started to wonder if Clary had also a secret gesture with Magnus.

The sun was shinning in the sky, unlike the previous days, when big black clouds were the only thing you could see in the sky. Alec liked more than he would admit rainy days; he loved to stay at bed and watch tv shows, in his safe and comfy bed. It was more than perfect because he had the perfect excuse to stay at home, as everyone else hated rainy days. Everyone just wanted to hang out.

Magnus had perfect skin. And good fashion taste. He was the kind of guy who, like Jace and Isabelle, could stand out. And Alec was the kind of guy who noticed little things. Being shy was an advantage sometimes, because you saw and knew everything.

Magnus looked at him with his beautiful eyes. Alec felt exposed for a moment, like Magnus was able to look directly into his soul. Alec had nowhere to hide.

"Alexander, I regretted a lot not asking your number Friday's night. I was asking myself if I was ever going to see you again."

Alec didn't know what to say or do. He was such an inexpert in matters of relationships

"Me too." Did he actually say that?

"I met you two days ago, and we talked for a minute, but I feel like I had known you for a century."

Alec was speechless. It was the very first time someone reciprocated his feelings.

So when Magnus leaned on for a kiss, Alec didn't stopped him. He did more than not to stop, he kissed him back. He closed his eyes and forgot about everything else except Magnus soft lips. Magnus stopped after a few seconds and looked at him. But Alec wanted more. So this time Alec kissed him, harder, deeper and with a fervent urgent he never had before. Alec ran his fingers through Magnus's hair. He stole his breath and gave it back. The kiss sent shivers through his body, and it showed him that every kiss he has had in his life before was wrong. Alec hears Magnus softly groan, and every inch of his body dissolves into his.

Alec's phone rings. Alec slowly pushes away, breaking the kiss. What the hell just happened? He kissed a boy.

"I- I need to leave. Sorry." Before Magnus was able to react, Alec had left. He didn't even bothered in speaking with anyone or to apologize for leaving.  When Isabelle was calling him, Alec was already running away.

 

 

 

**Sunday 5:12 pm**

After being a few blocks away from Clary's home, Alec sat down in a bench in the park. He checked his phone: Izzy and Jace and called him several times, but he ignored them. He was going to deal with them later. A notification appears in the front screen: a text from Lydia.

 

Lydia: Hi Alec! Are you feeling  better?

 

Alec tried not to think much and started to tip an answer.

 

Alec: Yes, thanks. I think it was alcohol poisoning. I forgot to thank you for bringing me home.

Lydia: I'm glad to hear that. You're welcome.

Alec: Are you doing something tomorrow?

Lydia: Are you asking me out?

Alec: Yeah

Lydia: Mmm… Yes

Alec: Nice, I'm taking you after class. See you soon.

 

Alec pressed the send button. What had he done?


	3. Thanks

**Monday 9:30 am**

Somehow Alec had managed to avoid Jace and Isabelle completely yesterday. But Alec knew he couldn't hide forever.

Alec woke up and after checking that his roommates were not behind his door, he went to the kitchen without making a noise. Jace worked out in the mornings and Isabelle slept until noon. Alec didn't had class until 11pm, so he thought he could enjoy his last moments before Izzy killed him.

Alec made himself a cup of coffee and searched for clean clothes. Alec had been living without his parents for a while, but laundry was still a mystery. Yet he couldn't stand dirty clothes.

When he was in the elevator, Alec checked his phone again. Alec had never been more surprised in his whole life, he had not a single message or missed call. Which will not be strange at all, except from the fact that he left a reunion without an explanation or saying goodbye. That was starting to become an habit. He started to make up theories: maybe Jace and Izzy were abducted by aliens, or maybe the internet stopped working worldwide and there was an ongoing crisis. Or maybe Magnus told them… God. Magnus told them. Did he? How could he? Now probably the whole school knew.

Alec managed to invent more than ten ways to change his name and move to another country. However when he arrived to class, no one looked at him. Alec was relieved; again his imagination and anxiety played with him. Magnus wouldn't tell them, he was not that kind of person. Anyway, that didn't explain why they hadn't texted him. Eventually he was going to see them in the cafeteria.

 

**1:23 pm**

Alec searched everywhere for Jace and Izzy. And Magnus. What did he study again? Fashion? Yes, it must be fashion. Alec hadn't figured out what to do with himself: he had the desire to see and kiss him again, but at the same part, he had freaked out, so Magnus probably wouldn't reciprocate his feelings anymore. And besides, he was not going to get out of the closet, he needed to be careful.

But when he found them, Alec's body didn't move. Clary was with them. And Magnus.

Magnus looked so fresh, like the university was not enough to crush him. He was strong. And hot. Why was he so perfect?

Alec was so focused on Magnus that he didn't notice Jace walking towards him.

"Alec? How is he?" asked Jace. Alec thought he was joking, and that everyone was going to stay serious and then start laughing and say "It's a joke Alec! Oh my god, you should have looked at your face!"

But it didn't happened.  The expressions of everyone were dead serious. Like someone had just died serious.

Just about when Alec was going to ask what the hell was happening, Magnus spoke.

"I 'm sorry Alexander, but I told them everything." Alec's face was white as a paper. "We were out when you received a call and it was your friend who was in the hospital. "

Did Magnus really had his back? That explained a lot.

"Yes he's better. Sorry that I left like that."

"Are you kidding? We completely understand" said Clary. And then, she proceeded to stand up and hug Alec. Hug him. Alec hated hugs. Alec hated people touching him. Actually, Alec hated people.

After everyone told him that if he needed anything they were there for him and treated him like he was a little puppy who was about to die, Alec asked Magnus to speak to him alone.

Alec took him to the caretaker storage unit and closed the door. The only light was hanging from the ceiling. The small room was filled with darkness, the only thing which was visible were the boy's faces. The room was so small that Alec was almost touching Magnus, and he could hear him breathe.

"Why did you help me? After I left you like that?"

"Alexander, I understand. You are not out of the closet yet."

"Yet? I don't think I'm ever going to get out"

"I know it's hard but-"

"Hard? Hard doesn't even begin to describe it. My parents are going to kill me. I'm sorry but I can't do this."

Alec got out.

 

**6:30 pm**

Oh crap. He completely forgot about his date with Lydia.

Thankfully, he knew a restaurant which had good and affordable food.

He waited for her outside her classroom. When all the students were leaving, Alec heard some of the boys teasing Lydia.

"Hello Mrs Bradwell."

"Take care of our girl."

Lydia laughed and took Alec's arm. Lydia had a big smile on her face and started blushing. He softly said "Sorry for that."

"It's okay." Alec answered. Alec couldn't feel more guilty if he tried.

 

Lydia looked stunning. She was very beautiful. If Alec was not gay, Alec and Lydia had every chance to be together. They had a lot in common. Anyway, opposites attract, and Alec's heart and mind were already with someone else.

Alec ordered a sandwich and Lydia a salad. They started talking about how a tv show when he appeared. Better said, they appeared. Magnus and Raphael entered the restaurant, and were waiting in the line to get a table.

Raphael was so close to Magnus. But they were only friends right? Magnus told him that Raphael was hot. And gay. And Magnus did left Alec to help Raphael. Were they dating? Were they on a date right now? Alec hope not. Maybe Alec did not deserve Magnus. But neither did Raphael.

Magnus looked so good. More than usually. And Alec was starting to lose his shit. _Alec, you're on a date right now. With Lydia. Can you stop being an ass and listen to her?_

And then… it happened. Raphael touched Magnus's arm. His arm. From his Magnus.

Alec couldn't help himself. He stood up and walked directly towards Magnus and Raphael. Alec took Magnus by his T-shirt and pulled him towards him. _You're mine and only mine,_ Alec kept telling himself as his collapsed with Magnus's. As he kissed him, Alec realized that all that he wanted since the beginning.

When he felt like Magnus was starting to back off, Alec realized what he had just done. He kissed _a boy_ in front of a whole bunch of strangers. And probably dozens of students from his university, because it was a well-known place. And also there was Lydia. The girl who was very kind with him, and accepted to go on a date with him. Alec didn't dare to look around, yet he knew everyone was starring at them. Alec just wanted to lose himself in Magnus's eyes and disappear, and never go back.

 "That was a kiss" said Magnus.

"Alec, boy, you know how to get out of the closet with style!" said Raphael almost laughing.

Alec felt that Lydia was approaching them. How was she ever going to forgive him? She was probably going to make a scene. But why it felt right rather than wrong? Alec's life was about to change completely and he didn't regret a thing. For the first time, Alec's heart and brain were agreeing on something: kissing Magnus feels good. He was never going back.

"Alec." Lydia looked like she was tired and a little sad, but not mad. "I understand. You don't have to say anything. You deserve to be happy." She turned around and started to go back to the table. Alec chased her. "I'm such an horrible person. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. Don't worry."

Alec had never broke another's person heart. When he was younger, there were a few girls who had a crush on him, but he never had a relationship. So he never finished a relationship before because he never had one. It was all too new for him. He was not sure he was going to be able to handle it.

Magnus took Alec's hand. "Let's get out of here" Magnus turned to Raphael. "I guess I will see you later."

"Have fun" teased Raphael.


	4. Don't forget to close the door

**Tuesday 10:12 am**

Alec and Magnus were at his place. They were both on his bed.

They both fell asleep after talking all night. They talked about everything: their families, their hopes and dreams, politics, religion, friends, dogs, books and tv shows, music, childhood and teenager memories. Alec couldn't remember if he had ever felt closer to someone than Magnus at that moment.

And Alec never felt happier.

 

Alec woke up before Magnus and he didn't moved for a while, just staring at him. He tried to memorize every detail of his face. He decided to go to kitchen to make him and Magnus some breakfast.

 

Magnus was already awake when he came back. He was peacefully laying on Alec's bed, with the sun on his face. He looked so hot. How could someone wake up and look so perfect?

"You are an early bird, aren't you?" Magnus teased.

"Only when I have to make breakfast for hot guys who are laying on my bed." Magnus took him by his t-shirt and kissed him.

"I'm too hungry to kiss." he said. Magnus laughed. And Alec promised himself he was never going to stop trying o make Magnus laugh, because it was simply the most wonderful thing he had ever seen and heard.

"What did you make?"

"Food."

Magnus looked at him with a serious face, and then they both cracked up.

 

"I like to see you eat." said Magnus.

"That's a little creepy, isn't?"

"Yes. Completely."

"I like you being creepy with me."

"I like you."

Alec leaned on for a kiss. After some practice with Magnus, Alec knew his lips far too well. Maybe more than his.

 

  
"Alec?" Jace was knocking at the door. "Alec! I need to speak to you. It's important."

"Really? I'm kind of busy right here! "

"It's only… I know it's stupid, but there are some rumors… Some people say that you- forget about, they are just probably a bunch of assholes."

Alec and Magnus simultaneously looked at each other. Rumors? Of course there were rumors! Alec just kissed Magnus in public!

"Are you okay Alexander?"

"It's just good to finally- I don't know."

"Yes, I understand"

Magnus and Alec just stayed there, just looking at each other eyes. And for a moment, Alec forgot about everything else.

 

* * *

 

**11:02 am**

When Jace was in his room, Magnus sneaked out of his bedroom.

Alec went to Jace's room.

"Hey."

Jace was listening to some music with his earphones. "Hey"

"What did you wanted to talk about?"

"Oh, it's just some stupid rumors. There were these stupid jocks saying that you were gay. I beat their asses off, don't worry."

Magnus took a deep breath. "It's true."

"Yes, they are really stupid. They should be minding their own business."

"No, the rumors. They are not wrong."

Jace put on a serious look for a second and looked like he was assessing the situation for a moment and then laughed. "Alec, you almost got me for a second." Jace put one earphone back on.

This was going to be more difficult than he thought. "It's not a joke Jace, I'm gay. For real."

"You are serious."

"Yes."

No one spoke for a few minutes.

"So-"

"Yes"

Jace touched Alec's arm. "Alec I just want to let you know that I am… proud. I'm proud of you. It must have been hard for you. But let me tell you that you have my completely support. I'm never going to stop being your best friend. Just remember that."

"Whatever happens?"

"Yes. I promise."

 

* * *

 

 

**3:46 pm**

Today there was a stike in college, so classes had been cancelled. Alec decided to stay at home and relax.

He was in the living room, watching a show with Izzy. Alec made Izzy promise not to talk about The Incident, and act like it was a normal day.

Izzy looked like she was going to explode, she really wanted to talk about The Incident. She was having a rough time, since apart from the rumors of Alec being gay, a few guys had been telling people that they had spotted Simon and Raphael kissing in the caretaker storage unit.

"Izzy, when did life became to complicated?"

"I don't know. I'm tired of it. I want us to be kids again."

"Yes, me too."

"Can you bring me my pillow. I think it's in my room."

Alec knew Izzy was having an internal crisis; he wanted to help her. She was the one who put her shoulder when Alec needed to cry at night; she was the one who took care of him after his first hungover; she was the one who took him to the hospital when he slipped in the bathroom and broke his arm.

Alec went to Izzy's room, and searched for the pillow everywhere. It was not under her bed, nor on the bed.

"It's not there."

"Ugh. Jace must have took it. He always steals it."

"I'm going."

Alec knocked on the door. Twice. He supposed Jace was listening to music with his earphone, and that he hadn't heard him. He opened the door. Alec froze.

"What the hell Alec!" Jace said as tried to cover himself and Clary. Luckily, they were both under his covers, and Alec closed the door immediately.

Alec couldn't understand the people who had sex while other people were in the same apartment. And Alec couldn't understand how they had been so quiet.

He was mad. Furious. And sick. That's how you feel when you see the guy you had feeling for and you didn't completely get over have sex while you are in the living room innocently watching a trashy show.

The bell of the apartment rang.

"I'm going" said Izzy.

Raphael appeared, apparently as angry as Alec was. "Is Simon here?"

"Why the hell would he be here? I thought you were the one screwing him!" Izzy yelled.

"Can you just-"

"Shut up. I had enough" Alec screamed.

They both looked at Alec.

"Alec this is not  any of your-"

"I'm not in the fucking mood Raphael! I just saw my fucking crush sleeping with a girl on the room next to us"

Oh no. No no no no.

"What-"

There was an uncomfortable silence for some seconds. Seconds that felt like years.

"I'm sorry I guess I will go."

"Raphael I-"

Raphael slowly exited the shared apartment and closed the door. It was to late.

"Alec" said Izzy.

"I'm going to my room. Please don't follow me."

"UGH" he said as he jumped into his bed. "How to ruin your life in ten seconds by Alec Gideon Lightwood!"

"This is a disaster. A fucking disaster." How was Magnus going to react?

 


	5. Love me please

**Wednesday 8:30 am**

 

"Izzy this is a fucking disaster! What the fuck I'm supposed to do!" Alec screamed, walking across the room. Alec had made a terrible mistake, and he had no idea how to fix it.

"Calm down." repeated. "Act like it never happened and make it look like Raphael made it up." Alec had no clue about what was going on between Isabelle, Simon and Raphael. But he knew one thing for sure: Raphael and Izzy were in a middle of a war. Izzy wanted to take Raphael down, and badly.

"Izzy no one is going to believe that!"

Jace suddenly opened the door. There was an uncomfortable vibe for a moment, but Jace didn't looked embarrassed. He looked sleepy, his hair was messy and he was wearing a grey hoodie. "Hey guys"

"Hey" Alec had things  more important going on than his jealousy after seeing Jace and Clary in bed together "Jace I-"

"It's okay. I learned my lesson. Next time I'll remember to lock the door"

Next time. Alec's heart hurt for a second.

"Do you want to get out?" Jace asked. He clearly was not aware of Raphael's visit yesterday.

"Sorry, we are in middle of a crisis here." Did Izzy just? Alec gave her a death look.

"What kind of crisis? Can I help?"

"No, it's not important" quickly said Alec.

"Oh I see." said Jace. "So I have been your best friend for years and now you're not letting me help you."

"It's not like that." The brothers said simultaneously.

"Then let me help."

The silence filled the room.

"Alec just told Raphael that he was not over his last crush." Izzy spitted.

"When did this happen?"

"Yesterday. Raphael came to speak to me and Alec accidentally said he had a crush on another guy."

"Do you?"

"What?"

"Have a crush on another guy?"

Silence again.

"It's complicated. But I really like Magnus. And know I screwed up."

"I see" said Jace. "Text him"

Alec took his phone ready to write something. But he didn't have experience with relationships, so he was afraid he was going to mess things up. Alec always worried, trying always to do the right things. "What I am supposed to say?"

"I don't know, say something casual."

"What? I'm supposed to continue like nothing happened?"

"You don't know if he told him yet. Maybe he's not going to tell him." Jace said.

"Of course he told him. Raphael is his best friend."

Jace put a hand in Alec's arm. "Then it's over." Jace put his arm in Alec's shoulder, "But you can still have breakup sex."

"We are not even dating"

 

**5:00pm**

Alec didn't wanted to leave the apartment. It was the first day he was going back to school after kissing Magnus in public. And he had no clue about how the other were going to react.

One, everyone was going to make fun of him; two, everyone was going to be very supportive; and three, both situations were going to happen.

Alec put a black hoodie and black glasses. Alec looked tough, but on the inside he was just as insecure as everyone.

"He's the one" a girl whispered. "He's the one who-", as soon as the girl saw that Alec was looking at her she stopped talking.

Alec sat in class, got his books out and tried to focus on them and avoid all the people making comments about him.

A small group of girls, the group of popular girls, approached him. "Hey Alec" He didn't even know that the popular girls even knew his name. Or about his existence. "I heard you and Magnus are together. And we wanted to tell you, that we are cool with it. You look so cute together."

"Thanks I guess."

"By the way, we're having a party tonight. Do you and Magnus want to come?"

The popular girls had never spoken to him before, and now they were inviting him to a party? What the hell was happening?

"I'm sorry I have something to do." Alec lied.

"Oh I see. It's okay. See you soon."

 

**7:00 pm**

When the class finished, Alec left the classroom as fast as he could. He needed to find Raphael.

To Alec's surprise, Raphael was waiting for him outside. Just when Alec was about to talk to him, he realized that Raphael was not alone. Magnus was by his side.

Alec considered to hide in the crowd of students and pretend he didn't see them, but Raphael approached him before Alec had the chance to turn around.

"You should talk to Magnus." Raphael looked kind of protective, ready to punch him any second. "If you hurt him I'm going to make sure everybody knows." he said as he left with the rest of students.

If this had happened any other day, Alec was sure that he would be very scared about Raphael telling everyone he had a crush on Jace. But today, Alec was scared about losing Magnus.

"Magnus I-"

"Come here Alexander." Magnus took him by his sleeve and took him aside, far from other people. "When we were together I thought you felt the same way about me. I can't understand why you would-"

"Magnus it's not like that." Alec tried not to look at Magnus, who looked like he was trying to be strong but was dying inside. Just like him. "I like you."

"I'm not stupid Alec. Raphael told me. You have a crush on-"  
Alec kissed him, and to his surprise, Magnus didn't push away. "I haven't completely figured out my feelings for him. It started a long time ago. And since I met you, every single day my feelings for you are stronger and I realize I'm falling for you."

"So, you are falling for me?" Magnus smiled.

"Please Magnus. You just give me a chance. I would never hurt you."

Alec was not sure Magnus believed him. Maybe he didn't wanted to.

"I'll give you another chance, only and if you came with me" Magnus took Alec's hand.

 

**8:30 am**

Alec followed Magnus liked a puppy to his home.

Magnus's flat was huge. There were big windows that lighted the whole room. Everything seemed to fit together like in a puzzle. Alec couldn't explain how but his flat was at the same time elegant and cozy.

In his house, Magnus prepared two martinis and handed one to Alec.

"Can I ask you something Magnus?"

"Of course." Magnus was in the kitchen preparing some drinks.

"Yesterday Raphael came to my house searching for Simon. And he was really angry. Do you know why?"

"I don't know what your sister told you, but", Magnus gave Alec a martini and sat in the sofa close to Magnus, "Raphael has been distant lately, so he didn't told me anything either. I guess it has to do with both of them liking Simon."

Alec couldn't understand what Isabelle saw in Simon. He was not particularly handsome, or smart, or funny. And now it turned out that Simon had two people fighting over him. Alec couldn't understand how.

"How you and Raphael became friends?"

"That's a long story. I actually know his since a long time. I may tell you the story later, I see you are very tired."

"You're right. I didn't sleep very well last night."

"Oh, why?" Magnus put his hand in his knee, sending shivers through Alec's body. "I heard a glass of milk helps."

"Because of you. After Raphael left, I was afraid I had lost you." Alec confessed.

"Alexander you could never lost me." Magnus looked him intensely in the eyes. Magnus leaned in and kissed him.

 

**1:45 am**

Alec opened his eyes, unaware of where he was. He was covered with a blanket, and he hadn't his hoodie anymore.

Magnus appeared. "You woke up."

"What happened? Did we- I don't remember-"

"You fell asleep." Magnus sat close to him on his couch. "We were talking and you feel asleep."

"Thank you."

"Do you want something? A cup of tea?"

"No I'm good."

Magnus took his phone after there was a notification sound. "It's Raphael. He told me he is not going to sleep here tonight. We are going to be alone."

"Good", Alec said as he took Magnus by surprise and kissed him.

 

**5:33 am**

Alec woke up and smiled when he felt Magnus by his side. Magnus moved to answer his phone. "Hi? Isabelle? What- Yes, he's with me."  
Magnus handed Alec his phone. "Izzy? What happened?"

"Alec! Oh my god. Thank god you are okay. I'm with the police. He- he has Jace."

Alec immediately sat down. "What?"

"Clary's father, Valentine Morgenstern. He- he left prison a few weeks ago because of good behavior. He's violent and mentally unstable Alec. Clary told me she was walking with Jace back home when he appeared and took him. "

"Hang on. I'm going there."

Alec searched for his hoodie. He had a good time with Magnus, even when he told him that he was not ready to do anything more than kissing for now.

"Alexander I'm going with you. You can't be alone. Your best friend just got kidnapped." Magnus took his car keys.

"Magnus, I don't want to drag you into my problems. Please-"

"You're not forcing me to do anything. I want to go with you. I need you to trust me and let me help you."

Alec never had a relationship before. He was not a trusting guy by nature. Alec couldn't explain it, but in that moment he would have trusted Magnus with his life. "Okay. Do you have a car? Can you drive us to the police station?"

"Yes, of course."


End file.
